When Your Family Doesn't Care About the Clutter

This one comes up in almost every coaching call I have ever had.

How do I declutter when my partner doesn't care? How do I create calm when my kids leave their stuff everywhere? How do I get my parents to let go of any of the things in the basement?

I want to say something kind and then I want to say something true.

Kind first. You are not crazy. The clutter is affecting your nervous system. The mess is taking up real estate in your brain. The pile by the door is not just a pile. You are not imagining the toll.

Now the true part. You cannot organise another person into respecting your need for calm.

I know. I am sorry. I have tried it. I have tried every version of it. I have left baskets at the bottom of the stairs and labelled bins and gentle reminders and not-so-gentle reminders and the silent treatment and the angry treatment and the bargaining treatment. None of it worked, beautiful soul. Not for long.

Here is what did work, eventually.

I stopped trying to control the shared spaces and I started claiming one space as mine. A drawer. A corner. A shelf. One small geography of the house where I got to decide what stayed and what left.

That one shelf changed something in me. Not because the shelf was magical. Because I had stopped waiting for everyone else to want what I wanted. I had stopped making my peace depend on their behaviour.

And here is the part that surprised me. When I stopped pushing, things softened. Not all the way. But more than they ever did when I was pushing.

The Beans started picking up after themselves in small ways. Don put his shoes in the same spot most days. Nobody was perfect. Nobody became a new person. But the energy in the house shifted because I shifted.

If you live with people who do not care about clutter the way you do, here is your soft homework.

Pick one space that is yours. Decide what stays. Decide what goes. Make it feel like you. Do not announce it. Do not make it a project. Just claim it quietly. Then let everyone else have the rest of the house for now.

Your nervous system will thank you. And often, eventually, your people will too.

If you have been carrying this alone, beautiful soul, come into YMTYS. There is a whole community of women navigating the exact same dynamics, sharing what works, and reminding each other that wanting calm is not asking too much. Selena and I would love to welcome you in.

🔗 youremorethanyourstuff.com/home

With so much love and gratitude,

Julie xo

P.S. Tell me. What is the one space you are going to claim this week? I will hold it with you.